Time changes people, sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. I have often doubted changes were beneficial while I was experiencing them, but the lessons I have learned along life's journey have shaped the way I view my life today.
This summer I wrote a book about my past and the relationship I had with my Dad. Writing the book helped me remember the times God had always been there for me. The lessons God taught me about trust not only helped me put my relationship with Dad into perspective, they impacted my continuing relationship with God.
One lesson God taught me this summer was that even though I have been a Christian for 30 years, at times I've only mouthed the words, "I trust you, God." I never really understood what it meant to fully rely on Jesus' strength to get me through tough situations.
One of the toughest situations I have ever faced is homelessness. I have Multiple Sclerosis, and I have lived in the same home for 10 years. I have been homeless twice before in my life. The thought of losing my home again absolutely terrifies me. Yet, I can still say I know that God loves me and He will provide for me. My belief is not an act. It is not a gimmick. It is what I know to be true based on the overwhelming evidence of God’s presence throughout the years. Despite all the mounting pressure and stress of the coming days I will continue to trust God for the strength to face whatever comes. I know His Grace will sustain me one moment at a time.
The power of a whisper—God's voice in the darkness and miasma of fear—trumps even the terror and impact of homelessness.
Here's a sample from my forthcoming book, Dance with My Father: A Memoir in Poems.
The Power of a Whisper
Years later as I was grieving Mom and Dad’s loss,
I marveled at the way God had been the boss,
not me
and the lessons I had learned throughout the years had rescued me from the travesty
of believing and thinking otherwise.
Now I see through God’s eyes
where I had been viewing life through a smoke darkened mirror.
Daily through the power of an unspoken whisper God reassures me He is always near,
and He continually exposes the hidden secrets and silent shame
that I use to point blame
at myself
because I had to put my dreams on a shelf.
Through reading The Bible every day
I see the way
God reveals the elephant in the room
so that it will not batter my spirit with portents of doom.
Because the Holy Spirit illuminates my life I could no longer be maimed
or shamed
for all the times
I watched from the sidelines
instead of immersing myself into life unless I gave the Enemy permission to.
I knew
in that moment of crystal clarity that often comes with grief that I could stand,
in God’s strength because His Love would give me the grace to honor His commands,
and face the demons of my past,
free of sin’s unrelenting lash.
Written by:Belle Anne Leslie
Written on:
August 25, 2010
Scripture References:
John 3:16-17; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
