Grace That Sustains

Moment By Moment-weekly column

Overcoming Obstacles-Never Give Up!
I was nearing twenty when my world tumbled to the ground. One morning Mom and I walked to town, as we came to the main street, Mom said, "Honey, come on. We have to hurry to get across."
I remember thinking as we moved into the street, What's going on? My legs are tingling. Looking up I saw a semi trailer bearing down on us. The driver's eyes locked with mine and I thought I would faint. I managed to pick up my pace. We walked halfway across when my legs went numb, and I hit the pavement.
Mom's face reflected my own horror and fear. Then she grabbed me under the shoulders, and muttered, "God give me strength." Mom hauled me to the other side of the street. We both collapsed as the semi roared by.
Mom went into the grocery store next door and called for help. We waited only fifteen minutes for a ride but it seemed endless. My mind raced with questions. Why can't I feel my hand touching my thigh? Why can't I stand or walk? Why am I so sick?
At the doctor's office I underwent extensive testing. Dr. Rafe told us what wasn't wrong. "Belle, you don't have cancer, polio, or a tumor."
"Should I celebrate?" I wassn't sure.
Dr. Rafe replied, "No. I wouldn't. What you do have is Multiple Scleriosis."
Mom voiced my thoughts when she asked, "What do we do now?"
Dr. Rafe soberly replied, "There is nothing you can do. Go home and prepare to die."
"What?" Shaken to the core, I stammered. "There has to be something we can do. Is there someone we can contact for more information?"
Dr. Rafe answered, "Not in Indiana. I have asked all my colleagues here and no one knows anything. Keep track of your symptoms and rest. That is the best prescription I can give you."
During the next couple of months, I stumbled and fell when I tried to walk on my own so I used a walker for stability. The lesions developing in my brain caused severe headaches, blurred vision, and tingling in my limbs, followed by numbness. As time went by my health worsened and I became homebound. I felt depressed and discouraged, and it was a struggle to get out of bed, much less make it to the bathroom in time.
I raged at God. Even though friends and family come to visit, where are You in all of this?
But Mom never doubted God or what He would accomplish in my life. Instead, she encouraged me to "Write whatever comes to mind, but never, never give up!"
Privately, I railed at God. Why is this happening to me? All my life I've battled health problems. Now MS. Haven't I suffered enough?
One night, almost a year after my diagnosis, I lay in bed reading and praying. Even though it seemed as if my prayers bounced off the ceiling, I wouldn't give up. I ache with emptiness and a thirst for a closer relationship with You. Do You hear me at all?
Mom lay asleep in the next bedroom. I took a deep breath. The fragrance of lavender, like the sachets Grandma used to tuck in Mom's linen drawer, brought a smile to my face as it permeated the room. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I knew God's presence was in the room with me.
As stones drop in a wishing well so these words from Philippians 4:13 and Zechariah 4:6 echoed in my mind, "My child, in My strength you can do all things. Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit."
I cried.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, I knew I was made of sterner stuff. I no longer wallowed in self-pity. From home, I started a prayer newsletter for the shut-ins of the church Mom and I attended. I also started compiling books of poems, stories and letters for my nieces.
Now as I sit at the computer typing, I smile. The fatigue I battle is a breath away, but the Grace God gives me sustains me moment by moment.

Planned for God's Pleasure: Worship

Prayer is an important part of the Person I choose to be,
it is a conscious choice of worship that sets My Spirit free.
I ask myself the question daily, 'What would Jesus do?'
than try to live my life, as an example, before you.
Finding hope where there is none,
means reaching upwards to Jesus, God's Son.
His nail-scarred hands clasp hungrily to mine
while He says, "Cling to me for I Am the true living Vine."
So, for every prayer of a person's name that enters my mind,
you will find,
my greatest treasure
is, knowing you were created for God's Pleasure.

Written By:
Belle Anne Leslie

Written on:
March 14, 2006