The Art of Interdependence

Grace Moment by Moment-weekly column
A friend asked me recently this question, "What does the Bible mean when it says to honor Mom and Dad?" That made me think and like a good writer, I did some research to find answers.
I discovered there are two basic principles involved.The first is the Law, as represented by the Fifth of the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20:12, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God is giving to you."
Biblical scholars believe that the Law represents a sense of duty in respecting your parents. After all, parents are supposed to take care of, nurture, and raise their offspring to be functional, literate, productive and responsible adults. However, in this day and age, children often wind up raising themselves. Whatever the reason, many children who grow to adulthood perceive taking care of older parents as a burden that drags their own sense of worth into the dust.
Because their own self-worth is tied up in material possessions and accomplishments the adult children fail to prepare for the day when they receive that call. The one that alerts them Mom and Dad aren't the strong capable people they seem to be. Suddenly, the adult children find it necessary to make choices and decisions for Mom and Dad regarding housing, and medical care. The devastating change-of-life event, be it a stroke or debilitating illness, reminds the adult children they too, are growing old. The transition to accepting the parents' very human weaknesses and needs is awkward at best and frightening at worst. But when the adult children do look beyond this they find the invisible rigid code of behavior that binds them, relaxing.
Honoring parents is not meant to be a heavy weight or burden. It is meant to be a time filled with enjoyment. Which brings us to the second principle, Grace. When the adult children acknowledge the evidence of God's Grace, Love. They learn to laugh at life's obstacles, cry over their sorrows, live and see through God's eyes, all the colors of His creation. Most importantly, it is hoped, they learn that God's Grace is a Gift of Love paid for through Jesus' Death and Resurrection.
So honoring Mom and Dad in Grace means going the extra mile when needed, and not easily taking offense when it seems as if every little thing is an excuse to pick a fight. It means remembering that the loss of independence and learning the art of interdependence, leaning on others, is hard for both parties. It also means finding that one bit of humor in an untenable situation. For example, when you try to maneuver a walker through a doorway that is way to small, you quip something such as, "Hey Mom, I didn't know you could dance!"
Finally, it means remembering daily the words that Jesus uttered in Matthew 22:37-40, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the prophets." (NKJV)
For more suggestions on the art of interdependence, see the following poems.

Gossip
When people get older
I've noticed they tend to be bolder
or maybe, nosy is a better word.
Like, two old gents sat smoking cigars, one commented, "Say, haven't you heard?
This place is draftier than an old barn."
The other one said, "Did you hear the one about the cat who ate Irene's yarn?"
Along came the lady's neighbor
who remarked, "No, I heard her cat laid on it when it was in labor."
"Really?" replied one of the gents.
The other gent said, "No, No. I heard it was a bird caught in her hair net."
And on and on the story is told
until no one knows who started it and why
it was just a way to pass the time.

Written on:
January 15, 2004.

Written by:
Belle Anne Leslie

Life At a Senior Hi-Rise
Living at a senior hi-rise
time slows, and nature bends into a semblance of active lives.
Like fine wine that ages well,
one senior finds it hard to tell
the beauty of his former state
from his current, as slow of gait
he insists, "Don't call me sweet!
Crusty or cantankerous maybe, but I am fun to meet!"
Another calls to a grandchild, "Hop on board."
The child clambers on her lap as Grandma's wheelchair rolls out the door.
There is Euchre, Bingo and dominoes, too.
Don't forget there are also jigsaw puzzles to do.
The best part of living at a senior hi-rise to some
is that losing some independence, doesn't mean you can't have fun.

Written on:
January 15, 2004

Written by:
Belle Anne Leslie